Each week it seems that there is another incident highlighted in the media about bullying. As incidents increase, so does the awareness of these situations. Currently, it seems that bullying is much more prevalent even in the younger grades. So, how do we as a community, help to extinguish this trend occurring in our school yards, our playgrounds, and even on our computers? Part of the solution is to increase education for all perspectives involved in a bully situation.
There is great literature out there to teach kids about what to do when they may have an encounter with a bully. Here are a couple popular sites that offer valuable information.
www.stopbullying.gov
http://www.aacap.org/cs/root/facts_for_families/bullying
Most of the research that you can find on this difficult situation is from the eyes of the child that is being bully, or the victim. However, in looking at situations where bullying occurs, there are three separate perspectives to take into account. The perspective of the actual bully, the child that is being bullied, and the bystanders all play a role in how the situation is played out.
Bystanders are the other children that are witnesses to the bully relationship. They are not directly in the tormenting relationships. However, the bystander is around to know what is going on, and typically, feels uncomfortable by what is being observed. When interviewing a previous bystander that went through this personal experience, she was able to state the following: “You have two choices in a bully situation. You have the choice to be a friend of the bully or a quiet bystander, or to put yourself out there as a victim. And no one wants to be the victim!”
Therefore, more specific education that includes strategies for the bystander is also very important in changing outcomes of bully behavior and situations. Here are some steps to help support bystanders involved in these intimidating challenges.
• Encourage the bystander to ask other bystanders how they feel about what they have observed. Hearing the feelings that others are also uncomfortable, help validate the feelings of what is perceived as right or wrong. This can also help the bystanders feel a sense of togetherness with peers rather than feel isolated in their own feelings.
• As a group, the bystanders should connect with an adult in the area and/or at home. The more adults are aware of the situations, the more the adults can facilitate appropriate peer relationships and connections by helping to problem solve.
• Provide the bystanders with canned phrases that address their own feelings that they are having. For example, “What you are saying makes me feel ____.” or “We are all friends in this class.” A simple phrase that they can rehearse and repeatedly report to the bully will help the bystanders express their personal thoughts about the situation versus just standing by and doing nothing. This practice may even be able to encourage the victim with a canned phrase to respond to the bully.
• Connect with the victim and let the child who is being bullied know that it is okay to ask for help and support from peers and adults. Sometimes, victims have been caught in situations where they feel as though if they ask for help that the bullying will increase and intensify. From a victim’s perspective, it will be encouraging to hear from a peer’s shared perspective as well.
As a community, we need to continue to inform, educate, simulate, and counsel all about these social situations that are on the rise until we erase these relationships from the childhood experience!